Diary

2026.08.18

21:26 - So. That blog post about the Syracuse trip?

There's two sides to every fucking story.

The main person it was about, we called her Ashley, she saw the post. She reached out. Shared her side of the story.

Turns out, while I was convinced she didn't want me there, she thought I didn't want to be there. While I was waiting for some sign that she liked me, she was waiting for me to make a move.

Fuck. I hate what I did now. I hate everything I did during that trip. Everything I did afterwards. I was so fucking selfish, I didn't think about how it would affect anybody else. God. I hurt everybody in that group.

I can't turn back time. I can't change how things went. Tbh, I don't know if I would want to, maybe if I stayed in the group I wouldn't have locked in enough to get this promotion at work. Which wouldn't have led me to meeting my girlfriend. Which wouldn't have led me to making this social life I have now.

But fuck. Just knowing that I hurt Ashley. That I hurt Jenny. That I hurt one of our other mutual friends. Part of me wishes I could go back in time.

Fuck. This hurts. A lot.

2026.08.15

00:24 - I think I'm going to write my suicide note.

Okay before you freak out. It's not actually a suicide note. Okay maybe it kind of is.

It's more of a... save point? A recollection of everything in my life so far. Who I am. What I'm doing. What I did. People I knew. Things I liked. I wanna write down what I remember from my childhood. People I loved. People I liked. People I hated. My interests.

Why do this? I wanna have at least some kind of record of me. A physical one. This website is a great virtual one, but for the sake of anonymity, I don't post personal details on here. The physical one can have all the juicy details about my childhood, my friends, my family, etc.

I don't think I'm going to kill myself anytime soon. But to be honest, I don't see myself living past 40. I just feel like.. what's the point after that? I've talked about getting old before, you guys know this. I like being young. Every day, I can feel myself gaining more and more responsibilities, I realize more and more how... serious(?) this is getting. I fucking hate it. I want to be carefree. But alas. Life has different plans. So I figure. Let's enjoy our 30s. Hopefully i'll have some money that I can blow on some fun shit before I go out. I don't see that as depressing. I just see that as a star dying at it's brightest, rather than collapsing in on itself.

Oh I completely forgot to talk about what sparked this whole thing! I picked up a Smith Corona typewriter at the thrift store last week. It still works beautifully! I was sitting there thinking about what to write on it, thinking "why type something physically when I could just put it on Cyberia?" and then it hit me. My suicide note.

I fear that maybe my subconscious really is gearing up to do it. Maybe that's why this idea felt so natural to me in the first place.

2026.08.04

02:42 - My car broke down earlier today. Really threw a fucking wrench into my gears.

I was at work, driving over to the cafeteria, hadn't eaten in 26 hours. I hit a small bump, and my car started making a knocking noise. I instantly shifted into neutral, thinking I had blown the motor, and the knocking didn't slow down. When I came to a stop, so did the noise. I pulled into a parking lot, tried to look under the car to see what was up, but didn't see anything. I knew this wasn't really safe to drive on. I was on campus, where we have to badge to get on, so I knew this was gonna be some trouble. I called around, figured out I had to fill out some paperwork to get a tow driver on campus.

I called a driver, and they said he would be there in 20 minutes. I waited outside for 2 hours. By the time he got there, the badging office was closed and he wouldn't be able to get in. I said fuck it, i'll try and go get my car and limp it off campus and maybe he could get it there. I walked the 30 minutes back to my car, got in my car, and when I put it in gear, it wouldn't go into drive or reverse. Well, it would go into gear. But it wouldn't do anything. Transmission = GONE.

I called the driver and told him never mind, shits cooked and he can't even get in anyways. (Side note, the dude told me for 2 hours that he would be there in 10 minutes. Why the fuck would he not tell the truth? I hate tow truck drivers.) I hitched a ride home.

I got home, knew I needed food, but of course I didn't have any in the house. I knew I just needed to fill my stomach, so I made a couple packets of ramen. I was already so blown, so tired, so hungry at this point, I wasn't thinking. I poured the ramen without thinking into a bowl and the boiling broth splashed everywhere. Burnt the fuck out of my hand. I was at the point where I could only just laugh at it.

I went upstairs, chugged a beer, and passed out. I woke up and fucked around on the computer for a little bit. Decided I would cut myself to feel at least something. Maybe some adrenaline or something, I dunno.

I'm so fucking blown at this. I had $7,000 in the bank a few weeks ago. I could've used that on a down payment for a new car. (Side note, I have an expectation what's wrong with my car, repairs are not gonna be cheap. Don't know if I wanna put that money into fixing it.) But I put all of that money into paying off my debt. Now i'm broke. I don't know what i'm gonna fucking do.

I mean luckily, my job is understanding and they'll let me work from home for a few days. But fuck, man. I fucking hate this.

2026.07.26

20:51 - What a good weekend. I met a new girl on friday and slept at her place, on top of her being wonderful to hang out with, she also gave me a CRT TV and a Model M.

Then yesterday my girlfriend and I made dinner and watched the new Airbender movie, it was really cozy. We woke up today and went on a short walk through the woods, and I got some really nice photos of me, of her, and of both of us.

Then I went home, and hooked up my CRT to my raspberry pi, so now I can remote into it and play all the old animes that were meant to be watched on a crt :3

The thing i'm most proud of though, is that I upgraded the messaging system for the website! I've been getting so many messages (which i'm so happy for), and I found that having just a standard 16x2 display wasn't cutting it. I changed it to an actual 480p 3.5" LCD, and made it so 5 messages can be displayed at a time. There's enough ram in the Arduino for it to store 20 messages, so I also added a way to scroll up and down through them :)

Compared to my past week, this weekend has been a real turnaround. :)

2026.07.25

14:49 - I'm currently typing this on an IBM Model M, holy fuck this feels soooo good! It's so obnoxiously loud but in the best way.

Let me tell you the story of how I got this thing.

Last night, I went to get drinks with this girl I met on grindr. It was a terrible date, she couldn't hold a conversation to save her life. I politely ended the date and walked around the city for a little bit. My partner was already on a date, and I didn't want to go home yet, so I figured fuck it, I would hit up this other girl I met online. It was like 10:30 at night, asked her if she would want to get drinks. She said sure, but since she lived 45 minutes away, she didn't want to be out that late. We agreed that I would just go over to her place and chill there.

I drive over there and got there at like midnight, and we sat down and started chatting. She talked about how she had a bunch of old cameras, keyboards, CRT TVs, etc. She showed me them and whew, I was fascinated. I guess I kinda pulled the "oooh I wish I had a free bag of chips", and told her I've always wanted a CRT TV but couldn't find them (reasonably priced) anywhere. This girl pulls one out and says "Here, you can have this one."

Ugh I wanted to kiss her on the spot.

She then showed me her keyboards, they were kinda all just thrown into a cardboard box. I told her that it's cool she has so many, She says "Yeah, I've got a bunch. Few random office ones, an old Dell, an old IBM keyboard, I think I-"

I cut her off.

Old IBM keyboard?

No way. She couldn't possibly have one.

She pulled out this huge beige keyboard and handed it to me.

Sure enough: Model M.

Oh my goddd. The buckling springs sounded so nice. I freaked out and told her about how cool these things are, and how I've been looking for one forever. She was already being nice by giving me the CRT, I told her up front that if she ever wanted to sell this one, I would buy it in a heartbeat. She giggled and said she would think about it.

Skip forward to the next morning. I'm leaving her place, and I offered again to buy the keyboard. She again said she would think about it, made me a lil sad but I figured I would see her again and I would have another chance. She went and got dressed, and she said "You know what, you can have it. Just throw me whatever you think it's worth. It's cute how excited you are over it."

I gave her $50 and brought it home.

God, I love typing on this thing.

Ping ping ping ping ping!

Love buckling springs.

15:21 - just hit 120 WPM with the Model M, new personal best lets gooooo

2026.07.19

21:16 - I found a group of people online who also like the Loner Dog vn series. I was pretty up front about my age, and I thought that was something... okay? Something they liked?

Today, my age got brought up again. I'm 27. The rest of them are like. 19 or early 20's. Nobody came out and said anything but.. nobody has talked to me all day.

I feel like an outsider.

And in a way, I guess I am one. I don't know why I don't have friends my age. Nobody my age likes the shit I like. Or maybe they do, and I just have no idea where to find them.

I feel like I already lost this group of friends. Maybe that's dramatic. It hasn't even been that long. But it still fucking hurts.

I always do this to myself. I find a group of people online, fall in love with them, and start devoting all my time to them. Then something shifts, or somebody leaves, or I convince myself nobody wants me there anymore.

And it all falls apart.

Maybe I am destined to be a loner.
A Loner Dog, if you will.

Hah.

23:02 - Feels like all i'm doing is doomer posting nowadays. i promise ill get out of this funk eventually lol

I'm gonna work some more on the mobile layout. Kicking myself for making a desktop layout first and not the mobile layout

2026.07.16

22:02 - That drunken rant came out longer than I expected. I put it in in the blog.

Damn I use the word 'fuck' a lot, lol

22:42 - I think that. I think that what gets me the most is. The Death of Harsh Noise.

It resonates with me.

Noise says she feels like a husk. That she's burnt out. That she would rather be dead than do this checked out bullshit anymore.

I don't think i'm there yet. But. I'm scared I will be.

I keep looking at the artwork of Noise and Roaches making out, and just. Fuck. It makes me sob every time.



I just worry that no matter what I do. No matter how good of a job I get. No matter how many surgeries I get. No matter how much I pass. I will ALWAYS know. In the back of my mind. I was born a man. That this is just a facade.

I've literally stared at the picture of Noise and Roach making out for the past 5 minutes while listening to Spacing out by Henni. I can't stop fucking crying. Why can't I stop crying. Why can't I feel normal. Why can't I be normal. Why was I born like this. Why am I like this.

I think what gets me the most about this picture is how much Noise is loved. She has a roommate, a friend, a lover, who loves her. And yet. It's not enough. It's not Roaches' fault. Is it Noise's? I don't think so.

But my god, do I understand Noise. To have everything you could ask for in the world, but it's still not enough.

Harsh Noise my beloved.

2026.07.13

20:21 - I had written an entry last night on cutting. I was blacked out while writing it, and to be honest, looking at it now is just too cringe. I'm gonna delete it and rewrite it:

(Best read to to the tone of Demoiselle Döner - Y♥M I ♥Y)


Last night, I had said I don't know why I cut myself. After talking with some friends about it, I think I know why.

It originally started as a kink thing for me. Said that I would want to be ready to let someone else cut me. I did it once, it felt good, I wouldn't have to do it again, right? Wrong. I kept doing it. I told myself it was just for the rush, but I think I liked seeing the blood. Seeing *me* come out. The stuff that keeps me alive.

I wrote in last night's deleted entry that I don't have a reason to cut myself. I think that's half true. On the surface, everything is fine. I do have a nice job. My family supports me, at least to my face. I do have a girlfriend. I've got friends.

But i'm still not satisfied. This shit still sucks. I'm a fucking alcoholic. This job is a dead end. I don't live where I wanna live. I don't pass. I started HRT too late for it to actually do anything to my body.

This doll I know said, "I cut to reclaim [my body], to mark this flesh as mine". I feel like I kinda agree with that sentiment.

I dunno. Maybe I just like being a fuckin sub fag and like hurting myself. Maybe I like what it does to my brain. Maybe I like looking at myself afterward and feeling like this body is actually mine for once.

2026.07.12

23:18 - I'm thinking about getting another tattoo. Maybe anothe couple, if i'm being honest. I fuckin love Signalis, and I love the Snuff Puppy series. Not sure what I would get for Signalis. But for Snuff Puppy, I would get this pawprint they use in the game.

Signalis i'm 100% sure of, I want a tattoo of. I've liked that for at least a year now. But Snuff Puppy? I've only liked it for a few months. But my god has it altered my brain chemistry.

It has me wanting to move to a city now. It has me wanting a friend group of other fucked up tranny's like me. God I fucking need that.

I just want to day drink with some other girls and pass out in a cuddle pile.

2026.05.29

00:14 - No you know what, fuck the diary post formatting, I need to make a mobile site. Who the fuck is on their desktop nowadays? Nobody.

lowkey really worried though that i might have to redo my entire site layout to make this work though

01:05 - Oh my fucking god I was right. Even just trying to get my logo to fit properly on the screen has the ENTIRE site broken. Fuck me

01:25 - Oh I figured it out. Okay. I mean I lost the left and right sidebars, but I at least have the logo, the nav bar, and the main page displaying correctly.

I'm gonna have to figure out how to keep the nav bar on screen when scrolling down, but for now I think this is alright. I'm gonna go to sleep now I guess, I have work in 7 hours

2026.05.28

23:42 - "Not right now kitten, mommy's about to kill herself"

Dude I don't know why, but like 30 minutes ago I could just feel all of the dopamine leave my body. I feel fucking miserable dude.

And it all started for literally the worst, most pathetic reason too. I liked some tweet by someone, then later they tweeted "following all the hot girls that liked my tweet earlier", and they didn't follow me, so that obviously means i'm a fucking disgusting ugly loser, right? Dude I don't have any photos of me on twitter. I barely post. Why the fuck am I taking that post to heart? I legitimately don't know.

Anyways. That started my downward spiral. I now feel like my friends hate me for being trans, like they hate me for being too.. flamboyant about it. And part of me knows that I can be a bit much with the trans shit, for making pervy jokes and shit. Part of me doesn't want to hide it, to be my true self, but when I get in moods like this, I feel like I need to hide it so I can keep them around. They're my day ones, i'm so fucking scared of losing them.

I feel like i'm lowkey selling with this new girl i'm talking to. I don't know. I haven't seen her since last weekend which I know isn't a huge deal, but her responses seem short tonight, and i'm anxious she's starting to lose interest. Which AGAIN, MY BRAIN IS FUCKING STUPID, she's literally at a friends house, she shouldn't be giving me 100% focus.

God I fucking hate my brain. I'm drinking to cope. I'm gonna redo the diary section, this is getting messy and I need something to distract me

2026.05.25

10:17 - Holy fuck the comeup on adderall is so nice. I grew up taking Vyvanse for my ADHD, which is much more of a slow onset, but adderall just HITS dude. I can literally feel the random noise in my brain leaving.

My room is a fucking mess. Took 20mg and a white monster, the comeup feels like that Batman scene where he injects the adrenaline and he just screams and gets up in rage. Except i'm not raged and instead just extremely motivated to clear out the beer cans on my desk and finally do my laundry

10:21 - I keep meaning to fix the diary upload system I got right now. It's literally just a page of HTML that I continuously edit and push to prod.

And like, it works, but I know this isn't the right way to do it lmao. But I don't wanna go full on wordpress or anything like that, I still want to maintain control over everything. I just don't know where to start.

But that's not a right now problem. The adderall has kicked in and its time to get to work on my room. I'm adding the diary uploading to my TO-DO list.

11:39 - Oooh I fucked up. Sister probably thinks i'm depressed and self harming now.

So, backstory. I'll probably go into this in some other post, but last year I joined this tgirl discord server and fell really hard for this one chick. She lived in Syracuse NY, about a 6 hour drive from me, so after a few months of flirting and talking about visiting, I finally made the trip in October. Horrible idea. Bad trip. Anyways, while there, we got really hammered, and she put a cigarette out on the back of my hand. But - that was it. No aftercare, no kiss, no nothing.
Look I like pain. But I need aftercare with it. She didn't give me that (for reasons that like I said, i'll go into in a different post), and the scar stuck around, so whenever I would look at it I would feel a certain pang of sadness and regret.

This past weekend, I went to a concert with the girl i'm talking to, and we stepped outside so I could smoke. I was a few drinks in, I looked down at my hand, looked at the cigarette, looked at her, and thought "I'm having a pretty good time right now. Why not replace the bad memory scar with a fresher good memory scar?" So I asked her to, and she obliged, and put it out on my scar. ^{(Yes I got turned on from this.)}

Now the fuckup - Kinda let it slip to my sister what happened, and she freaked the fuck out and asked why would I do that, and asked why I thought it was cool to self harm. Really fuckin hope she doesn't tell my fam about it, because my mom saw the bandage from last weeks blood / knifeplay session, asked what happened, and when I told her I got cut, she dropped it. If my sister tells her that i'm quote on quote "self harming", kinda worried she'll try and have me committed lmao.

12:21 - Fuck, my adderall fueled brain got hooked on how nice it is to type and listen to trance music. I'm gonna write about that trip I took to Syracuse. It's gonna be suuuper long so it's gonna go in a blog post.

14:03 - Holy fuuuuuccckkkk I just spent the last two hours writing that blog post! I was supposed to be cleaning my room!! Oh well. It's done now. Go check it out

19:24 - Alright I talked with my sister, she's just worried about me. I mean it's kind of understandable, but I assured her I was fine and wasn't doing it out of depression, and apologized for oversharing. She said it was alright, and just that I need to watch myself, since she knows I get attached way too fast to people and tend to be self destructive.
Yeah.. she's not wrong.

2026.05.24

23:05 - Spent the weekend with a pretty girl. Woke up today and we just kinda lazed around in bed, fell asleep again and had a nice dream. Woke up in her arms which was really nice. I teased her before I had to leave and told her to deal with it on her own, and she did the same to me >.<

Really really nice weekend

Now i'm home, I just ate pizza and crushed a few beers, I feel so good

Never kill urself

2026.05.18

19:43 - I feel like my life is changing too fast. But not fast enough? I don't know. I can't wait to see where i'll end up, and i'm loving the journey.

I started playing the Snuff Puppies series a couple weeks ago, holy fuck it is ruining me.
I mean it's a great game, but holy shit is it dark. It's fucking beautiful though.
I think it's actively making me more degenerate and might make me relapse, but like... I kinda want to. I just can't go so far down that I lose what i've built.

Anyways. There's this one scene where these two girls take acid, and they decide to cut eachother. Like. For some reason, in this scene it was... look on the surface level it was erotic. But it's obviously deeper than that. It's exposing your true self to the other, being so vulnerable, like, you are literally sharing your life essence with eachother. God, it gave me fucking butterflies. Part of me wants to do that irl. The reasonable part of me knows its horribly unsafe and unsanitary. But god. I wish I could find someone to do that with.

I met this chick on grindr a few weeks ago. She's pretty cool. She play's the guitar, likes Star Wars, Warhammer, Legos, the whole tranny shebang. (Not like I can talk. Picture your average stem tranner. That's me.) Anyways. She's cool! We're going to a concert on friday, it should be fun

20:36 - Look I may have done this the wrong way, but dude there's this nightcore song in LONER_DOG that just goes SO hard. I couldn't find this song anywhere. Shazam, asking siri, asking google, could not find this song. So what do I do? Do I look up the game's soundtrack? (Well I did do that actually, it only has the original music composed for the game) Do I ask the game's creator? Do I try and find discussions on the game and ask other people? No.

The game is made with GoDot, it uses .pck files. The game's not encrypted, so a few hours of python scripting later, I got all of the audio assets. Spent like another 20 minute's listening to each song, finally found the one I was looking for. "Touch My Body" by Anonymous420. I mean it sucks that 60% of the song is some slowed bullshit, but god the first minute and a half goes soooo haaarrrrdddd

20:52 - Oh shit I just realized Slime Feet is packaged the same way, I am totally using these scripts on that game. Soundtrack here I come

23:00 - Okay. I took a few shots. Aformentioned girl said she would be willing to try out that acid + cutting scene with me. I figured - if i'm actuallly going to do this at some point, i need to see if I can handle it, right?

Fuck me. I don't know where my brain's wires got fucked up like this, but my god was it a rush. Look i'm not suicidal. I don't want to actually hurt myself to like, punish myself or anything. But. Fuck. Seeing the blood come out of my thighs was like a fucking rush. I did it once to try it. Did it again once I realized it didn't feel so bad. Cut the same cut three times to make it deeper.
My friends expressed their concerns. I didn't care. It felt too good. I kept going. 8 cuts. Fffucckk.

I'm 26. Aren't I too old for cutting myself

23:06 - Fuck i'm supposed to be going to a pool party this weekend

2026.05.01

00:15 - t4t is fucking awesome. that is all, good night

23:28 - who knew a visual novel about slime and foot fetishes could have me crying at 11:30 at night?
go check out Slime Feet, fantastic story. I mean yeah it's got sexting in it, but like.. I think it's kinda beautiful? I don't know how to describe it.
The soundtrack was really good. It's not easily downloadable but the artist (Parallel Parking) does have the music listed for free use, so I might compile it and burn it to a CD or something.

2026.04.27

00:26 - fuckfuckfuck, i've been reading this Human Domestication Guide story and it's sooooo good. It's called "Wellness Check" by Darkfalli on Ao3. God I wish the Affini were real. In this story, this reclusive chick gets taken in (obviously non-con'd) as a pet, and she get's treated so nicely. She has a lot of similar characteristics as I do, and fuck I wish I could have something like this.

All of the drugs they have in the HDG universe sound so nice, especially the class G's (which is basically super HRT) and the class E's (which are anti-anxiety drugs).

I wish I could be a pet, not have to worry about anything anymore. Just be surrounded by endless love and caring.

I'm gonna go take another drink now, goodnight everyone

22:01 - I had my second session of laser today! It wasn't nearly as bad as my first one. Maybe the 1000mg of tylenol or the lidocaine spray helped with that. Either way, 2 down, (at least) 4 to go. So happy to be getting rid of this fuckass facial hair.

Anyways, I finally upgraded my home internet. We were stuck on 50Mb for the LONGEST, it was so dumb. I finally upgraded to gigabit internet and got rid of verizon's router. Got a Flint 3e, and it's quite nice. Ooh that reminds me, I still need to set up network wide adblocking with this thing. I was using pihole before, but i'm pretty sure that now I can just use Adguard built into the router, so it should be way less glitches.

My coworkers and I were bitching about the cost of streaming nowadays, I said that I just.. sail the high seas for my media. I lamented to them that it sucks you really can't take it with you, but then I realized, Plex is a thing! We talked a little bit about getting a NAS and just sharing it with everybody, I might look into that. Have them throw me a few bucks a month for electricity / storage costs, and host their TV show's for em. Hmmm..

2026.04.15

23:02 - Alright it's been like 3-ish weeks since i've even looked at the site? Someone doxed me earlier and it really freaked me out, so I just locked the site down. I figure 3 weeks is enough time for them to get off my back. Eh they were kinda blackmailing me about a relationship, and it ended anyways, so I guess they got what they wanted? Oh well.

It's ironic, right after they doxed me I found their profile, and to be honest, some of the memes they reposted were kinda funny. Almost makes me wish we met under different circumstances, I would've called them a friend.
"In another life? This may have been different."

Anyways. Here's my diary entry for today. I had my first session of laser a couple weeks ago, my god I was not ready for that. Toughed it out though, and man I can already tell it's gonna be worth it. This past week, when I wash my face before bed I can just see more and more hairs falling out. Now it's obviously not perfect, I still have some shadow, but my face is soooo much smoother now. What else.. Oh I started watching Steins Gate last week. Pretty good so far. I really enjoyed Serial Experiments, and this kinda has a similar... vibe(?) to it. Eh it's just another older anime that isn't all over the top, I really enjoy those.

2026.03.23

20:10 - Kinda tipsy, just did my estrogen injection, listening to Virtual Self while epilating my legs
Bless my wonderous tranny life

2026.03.17

14:10 - Ooh I get to be bitchy at work this week, how fun! Lot's of sternly worded emails, it's a fun challenge learning how to call someone an idiot without getting sent to HR, HAH! :P

2026.03.15

17:58 - I was reading this story by chordsands and I liked this short passage:
"She killed herself a little bit whenever she didn't pluck her eyebrows, didn't shave her legs, didn't look for a job, didn't practice piano, didn't do her injection on time, all of these little things adding up cumulatively until maybe her life would get bad enough that she would finally have the strength and reason to really do it. A million little detransitions. A million little failures to replay in her mind and destroy herself over. Any reprieve was undeserved. Any comfort was unwarranted."

I know that it's a little edgy and corny, but I don't know. I kinda resonate with it. My mental state as of late has been deteriorating a lot more. And I thought that it was just because of winter, S.A.D. and all, but like. The days are longer now. I should be getting better. But i'm not. I can barely work up the strength to drag myself out of bed. I haven't been doing anything to further my transition. I stopped taking my spiro for some reason. I still do my injections when I can, but I put them off so much, to the point where I can feel my brain going out of wack due to the constant battle between estrogen and testosterone. I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel like I need to get on some medication.

18:06 - Oh and I made that python script to automate formatting the diary posts in the html. Even made it so if it detects there's already a div with the same date, it will just add the new entry with the current time, to the same div. I don't know if I worded that correctly. But anyways. At least it will be a bit easier to post diary entries on my computer. I still want to be able to post entries from my phone.

2026.03.14

11:38 - Nvm my imposter syndrome that I was feeling a few days ago is gone. I finished a pretty big task at work and that felt really good.

Anyways, I played "HOPE LEFT ME" last night, that was a pretty cool VN. The soundtrack is nice, its got kinda an ambient sound that to me, sounds really comforting.

2026.03.12

20:14 - My new position at work gives me a lot of anxiety. I kinda miss my old one, working as a tech with a few other people and joking, shooting the shit, and listening to music while we worked. I don't even get an actual pay increase for this. I get all of the pressures of actually being responsible for units and having to give reports on them, but with none of the benefit.

2026.03.09

22:42 - I forgot how fun it was to drive the miata. Left it sitting for almost 6 months!! And all it took was a couple hours of work to get it running again. God, I love how you can just rake through all 5 gears, pedal to the metal, and still not end up at felony speeds lol. I'm gonna take the miata to work tomorrow, we've got some backroads near our office, it'll be fun to hit after I get off.

22:58 - If i'm gonna have these clickable links so you people can navigate my thoughts easier, i'm gonna make a script to make it easier to post these. Right now, I gotta add a div with an id, then link it back up to an <a href> with another id. That's dumb. Python's got me, right?
Yes i'm drunk

23:16 - Alright I made some small formatting changes to the website, drinks kinda hitting me so i might log out here for the night. But one last thing - I recently put the trans flag on my usernames because that's who I am, you know? I'm proud of it. But ever since then, my profile views have SKYROCKETED. Like i'm talking 20+ a day now, compared to maybe 2 or 3 a week before. I wonder if people click on my profile thinking i'm gonna be some hot chick posting thirst traps every day. Sorry champ, that's not me.
But I will take advantage of this and start to link my website in my bio's, maybe that will get some people to look at my website. Which reminds me, I really should set up RCS on my site. Where is that hacker.news post, it was talking about an easy way to set up RCS on your blog...

2026.03.07

02:26 - Alright, I got the API running on the site, now I need to figure things out on the local side. I got serial communication up between my computer and the arduino, but instead of displaying the whole message and then going to the next line or something, it just prints one character at a time and overwrites itself. I need to figure out how to make it so after each character is recieved, it moves to the next slot.

02:39 - I have a python script fetching the latest api data, and it actually works! Kinda. It only prints out the first line. I feel like the arduino isn't handling newlines correctly.

03:27 - WOO! It works! So my problem was I was sending data straight from the serial line to the lcd. I first read the serial input into a 33 byte char array, then iterate over the array and print it to the screen. Why 33 bytes when there are only 32 characters on the lcd screen, you may ask. I first get the message via a GET request to the site's API. Then I combine the two fields, separating them with a newline character. Then when I go to print the serial to the lcd, if the character in the stream is a newline character, I know to then move the cursor to the next line.

So now that I actually have a working display board, I need to figure out an enclosure for this, because right now it's just a breadboard and loose wires. [PIC] Maybe I could design a custom shield for the arduino and model up an enclosure in solidworks.

20:16 - Another productive day! Fixed the Miata, it was long overdue. It was literally just the clutch cylinders, I just put it off because I hate working in the cold :P

2026.03.06

23:42 - Gonna try and get the API running on the site, then tomorrow it should be easy to get the arduino to fetch from it.

2026.03.05

00:27 - Alright I kinda got distracted when I got home, but I worked on the display a little bit. The other guy used a raspberry pi and a google form, but the handy thing about hosting my own website is that I can actually use APIs and not have to go through Google. And i'm not gonna commit a $80 Pi to display the random stuff people want to send me, so i'll do it with an Arduino. I'll just dedicate my server PC, Adzilla, to recieve the messages via some API i'll set up, then use serial comms with arduino to display the message. I gotta figure out how to set up limits and security and all that, but that's a tomorrow problem. I gotta wake up in less than 6 hours, ugh.

2026.03.04

12:02 - Sitting here at work and randomly remembered how some person on NeoCities set up a tool that let people put in a username and a 16 character message, and it would automatically display on a 16x2 LCD display. That seems kinda cool, I might work on that when I get off work.

2026.03.02

20:32 - Work today genuinely wiped me out. Thinking of taking off work tomorrow, calling it a mental health day

20:57 - I was scolling on TikTok earlier and saw that the official White House page posted a military edit for the Operation Epic Fury. Look, I like some of the military edits. Do I like war? No. I just think the engineering behind them is neat. Anyways, for some reason, seeing that the White House posted it really put a bad taste in my mouth. Pure propaganda.

2026.03.01

23:22 - What's the difference between a blog and a diary? Maybe the blog will be longer, more serious posts, and the diary will just be day to day feelings.